Sunday, July 19, 2009

Quit Defending

Most men, including myself, were brought up to defend ourselves. It is so ingrained in us to defend ourselves to our dying breath, and this is a flaw that we have. There are times where men will listen to their wives and if we try to be as objective as possible we can literally point things out like "Yep, right here I would be defending myself. Right here, I would've interrupted and defended myself." It is good that we can step out and see this, but that does not solve the problem.

The problem with defending ourselves is we tend to over compensate. We not only defend ourselves but we also may say things that are hurtful in the heat of the moment. It is important that we take a step back and look at the situation. What happened to make the situation transpire, and what is she saying that makes us feel the need to defend ourselves?

If you take a step back and listen to what is being said, it may not require a defense. There have been times where I was defending myself against helpful suggestions, because I was taking a suggestion as an attack on my character rather than looking at it objectively and trying to realize my wife's true intent. No one wins in an argument between a husband and wife, so quit defending yourself and listen. Discuss and make compromises, because the hurtful things that you may say in your defense will only make things worse.

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